What It Was Like To Consider Abortion For My Unborn Child

You couldn’t imagine a worse time in my life to find out I was pregnant. I had just buried my first husband nearly 7 months ago. I had found myself in a whirlwind long-distance relationship as a means of distraction from my pain. He, on the other hand, was looking for a lonely woman with the means to ask for money to support his life of leisure. I, the unsuspecting mark, fell for the ploy hook, line, and sinker. In hindsight, I knew this and didn’t care. I wanted desperately to stop the raging pain in my heart. Suffice it to say, when the pregnancy test revealed my worst nightmare, I wasn’t prepared to welcome another child into my life. I had a 3-year-old and a demanding job. I didn’t need this. Besides, what would my dead husband’s friends and family think? I wanted out of this corner I painted myself into. As a Pro-life speaker, no one likes the part of my story where I say I wanted to consider abortion for my unborn child. No matter how hard it is on the ears, it is true.

I think it is rare to find a woman going through an unplanned pregnancy who did not at least give abortion a passing thought. You have to admit, what Planned Parenthood is selling is pretty easy to digest if you buy into the idea that abortion erases mistakes and all you need is an appointment to make this oopsie go away. Like most marketing campaigns, it is full of ideals and absent of reality. 

What was it like to go through this process? I’d love to tell you.

I Had To Divorce Truth To Consider Abortion For My Unborn Child

In the early stages of an unplanned pregnancy, you go through a series of events. The first event that takes place is holding the pregnancy test in your hands and dissecting every line and stain on the test results. Is it really positive? Are those lines really dark enough? Maybe it is wrong. It can’t be right. 

Next, you realize that the test is correct, and you accept the results you can see, clear as day, in your hands. This ushers in total panic. You start sweating. Maybe you feel a little nauseous. What do you do now?

A lot of women follow panic up with denial. This isn’t happening. Ok, even if it is happening, a lot of women have miscarriages. Maybe this isn’t going to be something you have to deal with. I am sorry for the women who have lost children through miscarriage. It is sad to say that a part of denial is hoping for what you have endured. You have to understand, panic overthrows logic, and rational thought becomes a distant memory in these moments. The hope is that no one will ever have to know about this. 

This process is obsessive and maddening. It drives women to sleepless nights, being hopelessly distracted, and lacking appetite. It is in these times that the question comes to mind, “Should I consider abortion for my unborn child?” 

Once that question gets asked, all of the reasons you cannot possibly parent this child come to mind. I have _______ going on in my life right now. I can’t do this. There is always someone who comes to mind who will greatly object to you carrying this child to term. Many women fear they will be left homeless if they decide to parent, or will lose their relationship. The fear starts to build a wall to prevent you from having to think about a real person on the other side of this decision. No one likes to think about that. But self-preservation can cloud the mind, leaving the unborn child helpless against a mother in fear of her future. 

What Happened When I Came To My Senses About Abortion 

With all this going on, saying no to abortion was hopeless, right? Actually, no. I am happy to say that even though I tried to consider abortion for my unborn child, I knew that even if God was the only one who knew about it, I couldn’t bear it. I did what the only other thing I could do

; I chose adoption for her. It was a long journey from early pregnancy to placing my child in the arms of another woman. The pain was difficult, but I knew it was best for us both. I have the joys of knowing that I have a good relationship with her and her family, even if we only talk about twice a year. I’ll never wonder who she might have been. That would never be a possibility if I followed through on my thought to consider abortion for my unborn child. 

Do you want to talk about if abortion is your only option? Contact us today for a free, confidential, and no-obligation consultation. 

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