When people discuss things like Pro-life issues, typically they are referring to two choices, life or death of the unborn child. It is true that when it comes to abortion, those are the only two options. But choosing life has more than two choices. The alternative to parenting is adoption. It might surprise you to know that the choice for adoption is not much of a conversation outside of adoption agency walls. The topic of adoption comes up a lot less often at pregnancy resource centers. Why isn’t adoption promoted?
There are many reasons why adoption is not more of a conversation in the argument for life than it should be. You could say that more women are just choosing to parent, but that answer is a little flat. When you bring up the subject of adoption to a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy, you are usually met with a loud response of, “I would never give up my baby!”
Unless the woman facing an unplanned pregnancy brings up adoption in the first place, chances are the subject will not be well-received. The perception of adoption is damaged for sure. What can we do to bring the conversation of adoption back to the argument for life in a way that is beneficial for all involved?
Adoption Conversations Start With How The Woman Making The Choice Is Perceived
If you ask any person how they feel about adoption, the first thing they will talk about is a couple waiting to start a family. Next, they will move to how important it is for children to know they are loved and chosen. What you won’t hear very often is a positive spin on the woman who is making an adoption plan for her child. If you do, what you will hear is a scenario that paints a woman making that choice as someone too young, too poor, or in a circumstance that would make her child being with another mother the better choice.
The media perceives women making an adoption plan as a negative thing also. Birthmothers in TV shows and movies are either deeply flawed or completely emotionless when it comes to the reasons they chose adoption. There is a reason for that. Somewhere in the recesses of most people’s minds is the idea that a mother who decides not to parent her child is a bad person.
The idea that only a bad or unfit mother decides to make an adoption plan for her child has to be erased. If we want adoption to be a real argument for life, we have to change how we see the women making that choice. Only a woman who cares deeply for the future of her child could be capable of making such a difficult decision. Women who make adoption plans are choosing what is better for the child for many reasons. The reasons why women choose to make adoption plans are as varied as you could imagine. There is no stereotype for birthmothers, despite what you may assume.
The Argument For Life Needs To Be Free Of Judgement
What follows birthmothers around for the rest of their lives is the stigma that goes along with other people’s judgment of her decision. If the world sees her as a bad person who is unfit for parenting, shame and silence surely follow her decision. That has to change. If we are to expect more conversations about adoption in the Pro-life movement, we need to shed the judgment of the women who make that choice.
Freedom to choose adoption in the choice for life starts with people in the Pro-life movement affirming her decision. Just like we affirm and support parenting decisions, we need to also lift up women who valiantly choose to place for adoption. If the Pro-life movement is really about choice, then we must support all life-affirming choices.
Making A Decision To Place For Adoption Requires Support
Women who decide to make an adoption plan for their child need a lot of support to get through it. Affirming life in this instance means affirming her decision and acknowledging the difficulty in her choice. Women in these circumstances need to know they are loved and supported in their choice. It is for this reason that pregnancy resource centers need the necessary training and resources to help women make these decisions well.
Training, support, and resources to help women choose adoption if they want to will make adoption a viable argument for life and help reduce the shame surrounding this choice for life. If you are considering an adoption plan for your unborn child or know someone who is, contact us today for support to help you in your decision.